l'esprit d'escalier

It'll never be the same...

2010-03-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

Tina Elizabeth Ledesma, 44, departed from this life on March 1st, 2010. She was born November 25, 1965, in Midwest City, the third daughter of Don and Bettie Stowe. Tina attended Mid-Del Schools as well as Rose State College where she was an outstanding student. She was accepted into the Honors Program at the University of Oklahoma where she studied English, history, philosophy, French, and Latin as she pursued a degree in Letters.

Tina is survived by her parents, Don and Bettie Stowe; husband and the love of her life, John Ledesma; children and the lights of her life: Brittany Jonn, Lance Christian, and Alexandra Donn, all of Midwest City; sister, Sharon, and her husband, David Folsom, of Choctaw; sister, Cindy, and her husband, Tony Church, of Del City; many extended family members; and innumerable friends.

Tina was courageous, brilliant, and hilarious. Her beautiful blue eyes and sparkling wit left an impression on everyone she met. She was a devoted mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend who took great care of the people in her life, always willing to do whatever she could to make each feel loved. Tina had a truly creative spirit and enjoyed making beautiful things, especially, her jewelry line that sold in several local stores. She loved books, music, chocolate, and OU football, and this world is a more magical place for having had Tina in it.

Services will be held at 2pm on Saturday, March 6th, at the Candlewood Chapel located at the Ford Funeral Service at 305 S. Sooner Road in Midwest City.

Nothing Loved Is Ever Lost

disturbing martini development

2009-04-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

This is not one of those clever headlines that you use to get someone to read your blog. I know that it is surprising to hear that there could be something bad happening in the delicious world of the classic cocktail, the Martini, but this is bad...very bad.

Apparently, with the development of flavored and infused vodkas, someone decided that it would be a good idea to create bacon flavored vodka. They have a website where they recommend sipping it with barbeque or a steak or using it to make a Bloody Mary. They even have a picture of a beautiful, chilled Martini WITH A PIECE OF BACON AS A GARNISH. NO! NO! NO!

Don't get me wrong. I love my bacon (extra crispy please!) and I love my Martinis (dirty, dry, and shaken until your fingers are frozen to the cocktail shaker), BUT never the twain shall meet. Neither do I want mid-rare filet infused vodka nor chicken friend steak infused vodka.

If you want something in your vodka, try orange or cranberry juice - pomegranate juice if you are feeling unconventional. Leave the bacon to the breakfast table. I need a drink.

a mood

2009-02-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

Tona's toilet is gurgling because she has roots in her line.
Tona is about to freeze to death because her floor furnace went out.
Tona is mad at her boyfriend because he is a guy. Guys = Insensitive

You really don't want Tona to blog right now. You don't.

Santa's G-mail Account

2008-12-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

Santa Claus cracks me up.

(If you click on the picture, a larger view will open in a new window.)

I'm watching the Tonys...

2008-06-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking that Oklahoma is holding its own on Broadway. We have Kristen Chenoweth who has a couple of Tony Awards and is on a fun new TV show called Pushing Daisies.

And don't get me started on Megan Mullally... I think that she is just wonderful. She is funny, beautiful, and ridiculously talented; she's an Oklahoma girl. I was born on her birthday, too! November 12th - it's a good day. I really liked her talk show, too, but I worked while it was on, so I didn't get to watch very often.

Finally, there is this guy named Tracy Letts. He just won a Pulitzer Prize this year for his latest play "August, Osage County" - which is kicking arse at the Tony Awards right now. He's a talented actor who has been performing in Chicago for years. (I LOVED visiting Chicago.) His mom, Billie Letts, wrote a great little book called "Where the Heart Is" - Oklahoma girl!

I've always known that there are a lot of brilliant Okies out there, but it is just nice to know that the rest of the world should should be noticing about now.

Yep, I'm bald

2008-04-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

I shaved my head on Sunday to raise money for childhood cancer research. So far I've been sponsored $1,520, which is more than I ever thought that I would raise, and it has been a great experience.

Now we get to the interesting part. It is a very humbling thing to be a bald woman. Strangers stare and question me. I can be pretty bold. I don't mind speaking in front of a room of my colleagues at my day job or yelling to clear a bar at 2am at my night job. Getting this much attention from strangers is different. I've even been wearing a St. Baldrick's button that says "Ask me why I'm bald." But people are too busy staring at my naked head to read it.

My friends know me and know about St. Baldrick's, and they have been wonderful. People in public just look at me like I'm crazy. Okay, people, I'm not sick. I'm not a skin head. I'm not any kind of radical. I'm just raising money for sick kids. Stare, stare, booger bear! (The super-mature part of me wants to say that.)

My nephew was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was nine, and he was in treatment through his entire tenth year of life. He had brain surgery - which left quite a scar at the base of his neck, he had radiation - which made him lose his hair and left him with sunburn-like blistering on his skin, and he had to do a ridiculous amount of chemo for the case study that he was in - which made him so sick that not only did he end up in a wheelchair but he also had to wear a surgical mask in public to try to avoid viruses. (The flu could have killed him.) He went to the zoo in a wheelchair wearing a surgical mask. I could feel people staring at him when we'd go out running around, and I always felt protective and hoped that he didn't notice them.

Now I'm having this weird experience of being a bald girl, and I vacillate between feeling completely self-conscious and just not caring. I'm hoping that the "just not caring" part gets easier. Because, honestly, this is not a big deal. This is something that I chose to do which has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sick kids like Bryan have no choice. But they are brave, and they are full of fight. I can't help but think that they are going to be better grown-ups than I'll ever be.

a little off the top

2008-03-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

In October of 2001, my nephew, Bryan was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had brain surgery, got 28 days of radiation, and did a ridiculous number of rounds of chemo. I'd need to ask my sister-in-law for sure, but it was something like ten or twelve rounds. It was absolutely horrible. One day we'd be so hopeful, and the next day something crazy would happen, and we'd be absolutely terrified that we were going to lose him.

In the Spring of 2003, I shaved my head at a fundraiser for children's cancer research called St. Baldrick's and raised $1,000. (The picture is of Bryan and me at the shaving.) My sister-in-law shaved too and raised a ton of money - I think it was over $3,000. (I really need to get myself a fact-checker or just call my sister-in-law, don't I? I'm just trying to not exaggerate here.) Anyhoo, it has been five years, and I'm going to shave my head again with another goal of $1,000.

You can click the link above to donate, or you can click around at the St. Baldrick's site and sign up to shave YOUR head, or volunteer, or organize a shaving event in your town, or just leave them your millions when you die - whatever strikes your fancy. It is a good cause and all of their info is there.

Sick kids suck!!! (Okay, you know what I meant to say - it sucks when kids are sick.) Our doctors, nurses, and researchers are figuring out better ways to deal with cancer, but it takes money.

By the way, Bryan just turned 16 and is still cancer free. He has other health issues because all of his treatments had crazy side effects, but we are just grateful for every clean MRI.

Sweet Barbie

2007-12-26T20:01:00.000-08:00

Barbie Sue Goodman passed away Monday night, November 5, 2007, in her hometown of Midwest City, Oklahoma, at the age of 34. She is survived by her mother and father, Mr. and Ms. Rick and Barbara Goodman; three siblings, Darla Nicoll, Ricky Goodman and Debbie Goodman; and four nieces, a nephew, and many extended family members.

Barbie was an amazing singer, and all who were fortunate enough to see her in front of a band or with her guitar, were truly moved. Barbie was also a teacher, and she taught us all with her baffling insight, intellect and soul. Barbie, you are deeply loved and sadly missed.

Me Need Go More

2007-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

Anais Nin

2007-09-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.

Rainer Maria Rilke

2007-07-10T20:01:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends is getting married, and I ran across this poem looking for something to read at the wedding. It is beautiful and simple. (And I haven't posted anything in months!)

Pathways

Understand, I'll slip quietly
away from the noisy crowd
when I see the pale
stars rising, blooming, over the oaks.

I'll pursue solitary pathways
through the pale twilit meadows,
with only this one dream:
You come too.

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. . .

2006-09-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

As an Okie, it is almost a requirement that you love The Flaming Lips, and you would believe me if you'd been at the show last night at the Zoo Amphitheater. It was awesome.

I wish we'd taken pictures since Mama T's youngest went with me. She liked the show too - I knew she would. She rocks!

after-party at Galileo

2006-07-25T20:01:00.000-07:00

World Cup UpDate

2006-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

England lost! It was terrible. Beckham was injured, so they had to yank him. Rooney got a red card. (Rooney got a red card! Sweet Wayne, what were you thinking? Okay, we still love you, Wayne, but you have to stop shoving guys around and stomping on them like you are in a pub brawl.)

After playing most of the second half a man down, it came down to overtime, penalty kicks, and one goal. ONE goal! My heart was either going to beat out of my chest or just completely stop. What a freakin' heart-breaker.

I have also discovered that John Terry is one of the cutest men to ever walk the face of the earth (see pic below), so I'm going to have to figure out how to start watching Chelsea Football Club matches.

So here we are: Germany, Italy, Portugal, and France. The Europeans are kicking some ass (except for England).

Semi-Finals
Germany v. Italy on July 4th at 2pm (CST)
Portugal v. France on July 5th at 2pm

3rd Place Match
July 8th at 2pm

Final
July 9th at 1pm

I must go comfort him.

2006-07-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

England's John Terry acknowledges the crowd after Portugal defeated England in their World Cup 2006 quarter-final soccer match in Gelsenkirchen July 1, 2006.

Beer We Go

2006-06-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

Germans fear we're going to drink them dry
by Jeremy Armstrong

ENGLAND's massive army of World Cup fans is drinking Germany dry, it emerged yesterday. Breweries warned beer could run out before the final because of huge demand from our supporters.

In Nuremberg, organisers revealed 70,000 England fans who flooded the city drank 1.2 MILLION pints of beer - an average of 17 pints each. Astonished bar keeper Herrmann Murr said: "Never have I seen so many drink so much in such little time." His bar at a fans' tent in the city ran out after they drained all 32 of his 50-litre (11 gallon) barrels.

Herr Murr calculated Britons were shifting beer at a staggering rate of 200 pints per minute. City official Peter Murrmann said: "The English proved themselves world champs. They practically drank us dry."

In Cologne, where England drew with Sweden, bottles and barrels of the local K?lsch beer ran out because so many English took them to campsites and parties.

Stuttgart bar chiefs said an extra 900,000 pints were sunk last weekend where 60,000 fans partied before and after our 1-0 win over Ecuador.

The Veltins brewery also revealed it has produced a record 418,000 gallons in a bid to keep up with demand. A spokesman said: "It is incredible how much is being drunk but the hardest thing for the breweries is keeping up with the thirst of the English."

In Dortmund, where most fans for England's Gelsenkirchen clash against Portugal on Saturday are staying, the giant DAB brewery is bracing itself by ferrying in extra supplies to boost production.

www.mirror.co.uk

I love Harry Potter, but I don't LOVE Harry Potter.

2006-06-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

I am continually amazed at some of the things in which people will invest their time, but the below is actually pretty clever.

The Boy Who Lived
to the "Brady Bunch" theme song

Here's a story of a kid named Harry
In Godric's Hollow he lived with his mum and dad
Until Lord Voldemort
Came and killed 'em
But not Harry, and he thought that he'd been had

Here's a story of a family, Dursley
Who brought up Harry most unwillingly
They tried to make him normal
Like a Muggle
But that would never be

In the middle of the night during a storm
Hagrid found them on an island where they hid
And he told Harry that he
Was a wizard
And how he came to be the boy who lived

The boy who lived
The boy who lived
How he came to be
The boy who lived

submitted by Tabitha
at Mugglenet.com

Of course, I'm rooting for England!

2006-06-25T20:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'll have time to post something in two weeks.
For now, I'm in football heaven!

Tornado Alley Rollergirls

2006-06-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

my new favorite quote

2006-05-25T20:01:00.001-07:00

“Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love
with a gorgeous redhead.”

-Lucille Ball

Emily Dickinson

2006-05-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

So she wasn't a drunk, but she sure was depressed.

If you were coming in the Fall (511)

If you were coming in the Fall,
I’d brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I’d wind the months in balls—
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse—

If only Centuries, delayed,
I’d count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman’s Land.

If certain, when this life was out—
That yours and mine, should be
I’d toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity—

But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee—
That will not state—its sting.

2006-05-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

Sylvia Plath

2006-05-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

I know that I'm on a drunk, female poet kick, but I love this villanelle.

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

Hello, Gov'nor!

2006-05-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

It is practically a miracle! Tattooing may soon be legal in our great state.

This afternoon, HB 806 was voted out of the state House of Representatives and sent to the governor's desk. If good old Brad signs off on it, it will just be a matter of time until we can ink the crap out of ourselves in any state in the US, including little-old-backward Oklahoma.

God bless America, God bless Oklahoma, and, while we're at it, God bless Brad Henry!

a ditty and a sonnet

2006-05-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

First Fig

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends –
It gives a lovely light!

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Dorothy Parker

2006-04-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

I saw "Mrs Parker and the Vicious Circle" again this weekend.
God, she was so brilliant and so unhappy and such a drunk.

"I shall stay the way I am
because I do not give a damn."

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do;
and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me,
than a frontal lobotomy."

"It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat
and a few friends."

"Outspoken by whom?"

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand.
Leave the fingers open and it stays.
Clutch it, and it darts away."

"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard."

"Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; nooses give;
gas smells awful; you might as well live."

I want this!

2006-04-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

www.ThinkGeek.com
I guess if I were to get this, I would actually have to start blogging more.

neither wine nor God can save you

2006-03-31T20:01:00.000-08:00

What a crappy day in health news. There are two new studies out: one states that wine actually has very few health benefits, and the other states that patients who have people praying for them don't have any better recovery rates than anyone else.

Both of these studies contradict earlier studies that I liked much better. I assume that you already know that I like wine - yummy, red wine like Zinfandel and Syrah. I try to improve my health several times a month with good friends, good talk, and, ah yes, good red wine. Apparently, I'm not doing myself one bit of good.

I also had the prayer thing going for me as some of my family and friends are religious and/or spiritual and are kind enough to remember me to the old guy upstairs. I have even been known to pray for myself, and sometimes this has even followed a night of red wine, health improvement. I'm just not sure if "please God, if you'll help me quit puking, I'll never drink again" counts for anything.

It is almost April 4th!

2006-03-30T20:01:00.000-08:00

Two cool things are happening April 4th. I am starting my new job, and The Flaming Lips new album "At War with the Mystics" is being released in the US.

The Lips have always had a great website, and you can listen to the new album there. If you go to their new album site, you can have a Tarot reading and be given your mystical track. I did it and am both magical and mystical, but you already knew that.

Isn't it about time that they did one of their fake-named-band-secret-OKC shows? It is been a while since they've had one, hasn't it? Wayne, just do it! (Call me first!)

philosophical poo

2006-03-29T20:01:00.000-08:00

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.
---
The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

The Myth of Sisyphus
- Albert Camus

If you can make it from the opening lines to the closing lines of "The Myth of Sisyphus" and have it hold true for you, then you should be able to be happy as well. It is a struggle for me.

I'm starting a new job next week about which I'm very excited and am hanging out with a decent kind of fella, but there is still a part of me that wonders what in the world this is all about.

Is rolling the rock enough to pull you through the days? I understand that it is about putting your own meaning into life, but sometimes I guess that I would like to feel as if I'm doing something more.

Yuck!

2006-03-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

I haven't been able to stand the sight of Katherine Harris since the 2000 presidential election/appointment. I cringe every time I see her on TV. Come to find out, she is also filthy rich. Both her father and grandfather were millionaires and, apparently, so is she. Now is dislike her even more.

She is about to invest a recent $10 million inheritance in her Florida Senate campaign. I hope that she get's whipped and that someone takes away all of that sparkledy makeup she likes to wear so much. (I know that that was a mean-girl comment and completely off-point, but she looks like a 7th grade girl at her first dance with all of that crap on - another mean comment - I'm just going to stop right now.)

seriously!?

2006-03-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

Carla Martin, what in the hell were you thinking? Are you a complete ignoramous? You don't know that you aren't allowed to coach witnesses? You don't know that witnesses aren't supposed to know the other witnesses' testimony or the rulings of the court during the proceedings?

You do not have to be an attorney to know this stuff. On NPR, they said that any first year law student should know all of these basic court rules. I'll top that - anyone whose seen "Law and Order" two or three times would easily know that most of what Martin did isn't allowed. Anyone with any common sense should know that what she did was wrong.

hacker or hacker

2006-03-13T20:01:00.000-08:00

Can you tell the difference between a computer geek and a serial killer?
Take this quiz and find out.

Andrei Chikatilo is one of the killers that you are introduced to during the quiz. He is the subject of the film "Citizen X" which is a GREAT movie. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. Stephen Rea is outstanding in the film.

I don't know anything about any of the computer nerds. How sad is that? I know about several of the serial killers. It is sad how some criminals achive more fame than geniuses.

Okay, I'm done. Go play now.

the girls Saturday night

2006-03-06T20:01:00.001-08:00

Here is a pic of the infamous night of the evil shoes. My friends are on each side of me in the back, and the girls in the front all have the same name. I think they are the Chrissies or something.

beauty is pain

2006-03-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

IAO had it's annual "Biting the Apple" erotic art show opening last weekend, and there were lots of people playing dress up at the Saturday night fetish ball. I've never seen more body parts pushed up, corseted in, strapped down, and balancing so precariously. There were some unbelievable outfits, including those worn by my very confident friends who wore very tiny clothing, but they looked amazing.

I decided to go with business attire - a nice, black, structured suit that was modest compared to most folks there. The only really risque' thing that I wore were my new red velvet four inch stiletto heels. (See picture above - they look even better on!) However, I don't think that my feet will ever be the same. I actually thought that I might have gotten a stress fracture or something as I could barely walk by the end of the night or the entire next day.

Did I mention that fact that I had worked a 40 hour week at my day job and had been 15 hours on my feet waiting tables at my second job? I then decided that it would be a good idea to cram my feet into ridiculous shoes and go out. If beauty is pain, then my feet must have looked effing beautiful. (Actually at least a half a dozen people stopped me to admire the shoes - maybe it was worth it.)

www.GirlsArePretty.com

2006-02-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is the best website I've seen in a while - no not "l'esprit d'escalier" - www.GirlsArePretty.com. These guys set up a scenario each day for you - they are kind of like faux-holidays. For example, today is "Your New Boyfriend Was The Killer All Along Day!"

"For the past few days your new boyfriend has been your fearless protector because whenever you'd find another body or you'd hear something in the woods and start running, he'd appear out of nowhere and hold you tight in his arms. You felt really lucky for having met this guy just as the killings began because it would have really sucked to be single during all of this. Every night after someone's body is found, everyone couples up in the living room, the girlfriends crying into their boyfriends' shoulders while the boyfriends ask questions like, "So we're just supposed to sit here and wait for him to pick us off, one by one?" Normally you'd be the one in the kitchen doing dishes and testing the CB radio to see if it works yet, but now you get to cry into your boyfriend's shoulder just like everyone else.

"Until now. Now that you're alone in the basement with all the doors locked shut from the inside, you notice that your boyfriend has two razor sharp hooks where his hands should be.

"How long have you had those?" you'll ask.

"Since the accident, when I was left to die by the side of the road while teenagers drove by having sex and throwing beer cans at me," he'll say. He'll be scraping the hooks along metal stuff to make scary noises.

"Oh my God, it was you all along," you'll say.

"You were right about what you said when I asked you why you're still single," he'll say. "Guys are jerks."

"He'll lunge at you. You should duck out of the way and run and scream, okay?

"Happy Your New Boyfriend Was The Killer All Along Day!"

one really shouldn't make fun of such a serious situation

2006-02-24T08:01:00.000-08:00

Mary Jane with flower and hot pink detail

2006-02-23T20:01:00.000-08:00

They are gorgoeous. They are my new favorite pair. The picture doesn't do them justice as they actually have a three inch heel. They are also the reason that I'm dreading walking up the stairs to bed. My feet hurt like hell. I'll never wear new shoes to work again. Ouch.

"excellent new e-bayer"

2006-02-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm not bragging, but rumor around town is that I'm a winner! I have won exactly three items on e-bay, spending a grand total of not quite $30. It costs oh so little to be a winner these days.

e-bay is so addictive! Not only am I a winner, but I also have all positive feedback. It's almost like getting a report card with straight A's, and that, my friends, hasn't happened since I was in elementary school.

What was I thinking?

2006-02-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

I know that I need to cut down on my bills, and I knew that it had to be a sales call, but I answered anyway - I NEVER buy anything over the phone. I was just going to get rid of them, tell them not to call back, and save my caller ID. Long story short...

I now have all of the HBO and Cinemax channels for the low, low price of $9.95 per month. (I'm sure with taxes, surcharges, etc, it is going to end up costing me 20 bucks a month.)

I can't hardly wait to start watching even more TV. Gross!

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me

2006-02-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

Spinning on that dizzy edge,
I kissed her face and kissed her head
and dreamed of all the different ways
I had to make her glow.

- The Cure
Just Like Heaven

This is the most you are going to get out of me in the way of a St. Valentine's celebration. Perhaps if I had loads of dark chocolate, I would feel more celebratory.

Texting tips for Valentine's Day

2006-02-11T20:01:00.000-08:00

LONDON (Reuters) - Britons texting St Valentine's Day love messages next Tuesday should be careful they don't send them to the wrong person.

A poll of 3,000 mobile phone users that found 40% will be texting rather than sending cards and that one in four have misdirected a provocative text or photo.

Recipients of the unwanted texts include bosses or colleagues (9%) parents (3%) and perhaps most embarrassing of all -- ex-partners (2%).

The study for student phone service dot mobile revealed eight in ten 18-25 year olds have sent a flirty text message within the last year, with a third indulging in "text sex."

The survey found 60% of respondents had sent a flirty text to someone other than their regular partner although not without consequences for many of them.

Of those who admitted cheating, 65% had been caught out by their mobile, with a third saying their partner had read incriminating text messages.

With loved-up texters getting ready for the big day, dot mobile has come up with a few tips:

-Keep flirty messages short.

-Observe the two-day rule: get in touch after meeting someone within two days, no longer.

-Do not drink and text.

-Avoid over-use of emoticons and jargon.

-"Xs" at the end of messages should not exceed three.

-Be careful about picture messaging which others may get their hands on.

-Adhere to the two text rule; admit defeat if you have not received a reply after 12 hours and two texts.

Things Only A Mother Can Teach

2005-11-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Dont talk back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you dont stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you dont pass your spelling test, youll never get a good job."
7. My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; dont you think I know when youre cold?"
8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, dont come running to me."
9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you dont eat your vegetables, youll never grow up."
10. My Mother taught me about SEX....
"How do you think you got here?"
11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"Youre just like your father."
12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day youll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you... then youll see what its like"

Love you Momma!! Feel better!

Suddenly, Nursing Homes Don't Sound So Bad

2005-11-14T20:01:00.000-08:00

Nursing home keeps spirits up with own pub
Mon Nov 14, 2005 1:15 PM ET

DUBLIN (Reuters) - A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub.

St Mary's Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer.

"We would say the whole social aspect of life does extend the years -- it means the patients aren't bored to death," Rose Mooney, assistant director of nursing told Reuters.

The pub, which opens at 11am and closes at 9pm and charges normal bar prices, had also led to an increase in the number of visitors, she said.

Having its own bar made the hospital, which has around 140 patients, unique in Ireland, she added.

AuntieT may be dead. . .

2005-11-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

but AuntT is here to take her place.

Isn't is weird that the last post I wrote before we were hacked and my identity stolen was "Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. . . ?" Now reports of my death are sad but true.

I'm trying to be positive about the fact that AuntieT has been destroyed. After all I'm a Scorpio, and we are supposed to be all about rebirth - the phoenix is one of the major symbols of Scorpions. This is my opportunity to come back as the new and improved version - with the updated User Profile, when I get a chance to update it.

Maybe AuntT will be wittier than AuntieT (if possible).
Perhaps AuntT will complain less than AuntieT did and post more!
I feel certain that AuntT will never complain on the blog about anyone she has ever dated.
AuntT will never even tell boys that she has a blog (especially boys who are smart enough to just do a Google search to find it).
She will also never, ever, ever (I promise Tina - please don't take away my administrative priviledges again) let a boy know her password.

Musicians are Funny

2005-11-06T08:01:00.001-08:00

“I like to imagine this record playing in the background as a red state and a blue state - maybe Tennessee and New York - secretly meet at a Comfort Inn off I-40 and have angry, awkward sex.”

- Eef Barzelay of Clem Snide
regarding their most recent album "End of Love"

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, OR I just don't have time for this shit right now.

2005-10-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Reasons the blog hasn't been updated in ages:
I've been sick (seriously, really sick).
Tina has been sick (seriously, she's been sick forever - I either caught the shit from her or one of her offspring).
Our other friend has been sick (same shit Tina and I had landed her in the hospital - perhaps, miracle we are alive!).
Brit is being a snob and only updating her blog instead of taking care of her mom and auntie. (Poor AuntieT and Tina)
New job - maybe shouldn't blog at work.
Say I were going to try to blog from work, my computer is a Mac and still kind of confusing.
The blog really looks like shit from the Mac.
I don't have formatting options on the Mac, and I really like to format.
Plus, new job - really shouldn't blog from work.
The ex pulled super stupid stunt but don't want to talk about it.
(Why are boys so effing stupid? Nevermind, don't want to talk about it.)
No new boys to talk about as am taking sabbatical from men.
(Is nice to be able to use big word AND act like lack of men in my life is my choice at same time.)
Everytime I go to Blogger, I end up spending all of my time catching up with Jameson, Chase, and Rory.
(See - I can't freaking link as I have no formatting on the Mac - not that I'm blogging from work. New job - bad idea.)
Sucks to have the only posts on the blog just telling everyone why we aren't posting - that and links to Reuters "Oddly Enough" stories or "College Humor" blog.
Am going into deep depression as birthday is one month from today and am starting to get really freaking old.
Would be nice to post something original and witty but am currently lacking in both original and witty areas as am getting so old.
No one wants to read an "all bitching all the time" blog.

Why I'm posting today:
Public Information Officer at new job is thinking about starting a work-related blog so offered to teach her, then wondered if I could remember as it had been so long since I posted. Not that I'm blogging from work as have new job - bad idea.

Apple pie is my favorite.

2005-08-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

Since the Paris Stairs women are only averaging about a post every two weeks, maybe we should invite Chase to guest post. Except, he is cutting down on his blogging - he's down to only about two posts a day. That cracks me up.

I haven't posted in almost a month and still don't really feel as if I have much to say. My new job has been interesting as I'm in a huge learning curve, working on a Mac for the first time, learning new software, and figuring out how to manage people at the same time. I'm actually starting to struggle on my laptop a little; I hope that I don't lose all of my mad pc skills in developing my kick-ass Mac skills.

Also, I got a crazy call several weeks ago that has slapped me into a Jerry Springer-like situation. I didn't know how to react and, initially, felt consumed by this thing over which I have no control. (I know that it would be easier for you to understand if you had some details, but trust me, you really don't want to know.)

My secondary reaction has been to refuse to be involved in this bizarro situation on any level, and I'm doing my best to not even think about it. This is where my trouble starts, and I resent the shit out of the fact that someone else's fuck-up is occupying so many of my thoughts. I've taken to humming to myself A LOT, and NPR is pretty much saving my ass as it is such a great distraction.

I'm stealing Brit's idea of using a random title on my post, but even though it is random, it is also true. Except for maybe cherry cobbler, apple pie is my favorite. Actually, desserts in general are my favorite; the type of dessert varies depending on my mood. Can you say "La Baguette"?

2005-08-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen something that you wish you had never seen? Something so unappealing that you actually apologized to your eyes for seeing it? One of those instances happened to me yesterday while I was sitting outside of my boyfriend's apartment gazing aimlessly down his flight of stairs.

There's this crazy lady-thing who lives across the hall with two guys who seem rather normal. The first time we saw her, she was passed out in two chairs that she had pulled together right outside my boyfriend's apartment door. We only noticed her because of the loud screeching noise that we heard while she pulled the metal chairs across the cement floor. Since then, we have encountered her many times. She rings the doorbell and asks for a man named George. She rings the doorbell for no reason or asks for a cigarette. And she talks to the air.

She's tall(er than me), not fat, but not thin. She has stringy brunette hair, and we think she's on many drugs. We once heard a phone conversation she had with her mother. One thing really stood out to me in her conversation, "Well, if you hadn't of committed me for stabbing that guy, everything would be ok!!"

Ahh, Right -- That's not cool.

Like I said, I was staring down Danny's stairs and then she walked into my line of sight. She had on a band t-shirt - - that's it. I knew it wasn't her shirt because it took up the entirety of her body. She walked around for a minute and then stopped in front of a door. She went to ring the door bell, I think, but instead, she lifted up the enormous t-shirt and revealed a true sight for sore eyes. She had on nothing under this t-shirt. NOTHING. And then. AND THEN, She walked away from the door, towards the staircase, shirt still up, and sat down at the bottom of the stairs on the ground, butt-ass naked and started petting a cat.

I turned around in my seat to face the other direction. I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or puke. And even then, if I had laughed, I don't know if it would have been out of true humor, or confusion, or if I was just extremely uncomfortable. My family tends to laugh when they are uncomfortable -- I blame my Dad.

I stayed seated outside for a moment, my mind blank. Then I retreated indoors where I sat down, speachless. I am still in awe. It was so effing random. Normal people don't do that. Many drugs. Many, many drugs.

Tona is on a post rampage!! GOSH!

2005-07-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ok. so. It's official. I've had a boyfriend for an entire month and two days. Horray for me.

I've learned that this being a girlfriend thing isn't that bad when you actually like the guy you have dubbed boyfriend. In past "relationships," one might say I was mean and I didn't care about his feelings. Well, they were mostly right, but this time is different. I do care about his feelings (even if they are dumb), and I'm not mean unless provoked (I'm not mean mean, just a little mean. And I don't hurt him. Not badly.), and he does provoke. He farted on me and tickled my foot all in the same day. He was cruisin for a bruisin. I swear.

You'll know something is off when I tell you this one. I watch him play video games. Not cool ones either, like the car games. Retarded games that stupid people who smoked the entirety of America's pot in one week came up with. His favorite is called conquer Live and Reloaded. It's about a war between squirrels and teddy bears. I'm not shitting you. It's a waste of brain power, but I watch it. Why? I don't have an answer. I'm at a loss.

On another note, I'm excited about school. I actually can't wait to start. I'm ready to do something. Or rather, be on my way to doing something. Something productive. Something I will stick with. More, something to keep me away from watching conquer Live and Reloaded.

Well. I am going to go throw a shoe at my brother. He's annoying me with my own guitar.

Viacom can kiss my ass!

2005-07-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

VH1 Megahits is no more; Viacom has pulled it. In case you haven't read any of my other posts, VH1 Megahits is the alternative video channel that I always watched as I blogged. I mentioned it in my June 29th post, the next day tuned in, and there was a statement up that simply said that Viacom had pulled it. Don't worry, the Metal Mania, Country Music Videos, and Rhythm & Blues and Adult Urban Music Videos are still up and running. Great. Thanks.

Here is as little hint, Viacom. In OKC, I have all of the metal, country, and rap music that I could possibly want (especially considering that about five minutes a week of each is sufficient for my semi-eclectic musical tastes). We do not, however, have options when it comes to alternative or whatever they are calling any new rock music that isn't pop and/or sung by a woman who is incapable of buying a shirt long enough to cover her midriff. (Isn't that style over yet?)

Why would they pull Megahits, you ask? I didn't know until I did a seach to see if their website was still up and, instead, linked into a news site and found out that Viacom is lauching "Logo" a gay entertainment channel. I thought that is what "Oxygen" is. I'm not going to argue regarding the need for a gay/lesbian cable channel, but what about my needs, Viacom? Did you ever stop and think about that?

Now I won't know what all of the cool kids are listening to as the "Music Choice" digital music alternative channels aren't exactly the latest music. I know that there are some alternative stations online, but I haven't bought any speakers for my laptop, so the quality of the sound is comparable to a transistor radio.

On Saturday mornings, PBS is my all day viewing choice. This is where I learn to do all of the things that I never do, like cooking, home repair and gardening. I don't watch the painting and quilting shows - I just can't take them.

This morning, a new cooking show has debuted: "Everyday Food." When I saw the name, I knew that it was familiar, and then the hosts started introducing themselves, and they work for Martha Stewart. This show is produced by Martha Stewart's company with her employees starring.

I thought that one had to be semi-impoverished/struggling to have a show on PBS. I don't have a problem with Martha, but why doesn't she just buy her own cable channel or something.? I still haven't figured out what show they've pulled to put this on, but I'm pretty sure that they are punishing me because I let my membership run out.

Need an Excuse?

2005-07-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm in favor of lying to people, but with these handy-dandy background sounds, you could probably buy yourself some time with a short phone call and a simple "running late" or "having trouble getting away" comment.

Of course, you have to figure out a way to take your laptop with you, and there will need to be a wireless connection that you can hook into during your titty bar and/or happy hour "be home soon" call. (I'm sure there is a way to download this somehow, but I have neither the energy nor the patience to mess with it.)

Ladies- if you are having a hard time talking that special fella into using a condom, just go to the "Doctor's Waiting Room" background sounds and click on the "baby cry" option several times in rapid succession. He still won't want to use a condom, but it'll definitely ruin the mood - hard time no more! Heh, heh.

Link stolen from www.CollegeHumor.com.

why this job is better than the last one - part 1

2005-06-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

At my last job, I worked late almost every night. Sometimes I only stayed 15 minutes or so, and sometimes I stayed several hours. (Sometimes I got paid for my time, sometimes I got nothin.) I usually ran from 3-8 minutes late. I caught hell almost every day for tardiness - even when I put in 60+ hours to get the work done when we were shorthanded.

At my new job, I'm pretty much on time - maybe a couple of minutes late. No one seems to notice or care. Except for today - today I had an awful sinus headache, had to stop at the drug store, and had to grab some some food (so the medicine wouldn't make me hurl). I called my boss and left a message telling her my plan. I've been working hard and making an effort to get on top of things, so I actually have several hours comp time already. That said, I was still 30 minutes late.

I was a little worried when she arrived at my office (on the opposite end of the building from hers). First, she asked me if I was feeling better. Second, she thanked me for leaving her a message to let her know I was running late. Third, she opened a bag she was holding and pulled out a book.

I know that it is past time to get to the meat of this tale, but we're going to take another short break so that I can describe my new boss. She seems really cool, but if I had to guess, I would say that she is in her late sixties; she has a gray bob, dresses very conservatively, and kind of reminds me of someone's grandma.

Anyway, she opens a bag, reaches in, pulls out a book, and hands it to me: Male Desire : The Homoerotic in American Art. She says to me, "why don't you look over this. It should get you going." I about fell off of my freakin' chair. She actually realized that I was having a shitty day and did something to try to make it better (and that something was awesomely cool). I spent the next hour or so perusing a gorgeous, glossy book full of gorgeous, male nudes. Now I know that I wasn't the target audience for this book, but I didn't let that stop me. What a way to turn around a day. (In case you were wondering, I did end up working my ass off today and getting tons done - with a smile.)

Yet another aside, she had bought the book because a friend of hers from the 60s is an artist whose work is in it (and on the cover). This afternoon, he called her, and the call came into my office, so I was able to speak to a lovely man whose work I greatly admire (and how)! My new job officially rocks!

Oh, Dave Matthews, come to me, my love! Hot, cool, AND talented. Yikes! Also, he wrote the lyrics to "Crash" which is, perhaps, the sexist song ever recorded. (I've got to stop watching VH1 MegaHits every time I post.) Still, "Mr. Brightside" is a very clever video, and "The Killers" should be named "The Cuties."

...it shocked me too

2005-06-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

I went out with Cook the other night to this guy's house in Moore. It was just your typical lets-sit-on-the-couch-and-stare-at-each other affairs that no one really goes to unless they don't have shit else to do. Apparently, Cook and I did not have shit else to do.

I'm sitting on the couch listening to this boy named Ali (Yes, like Mohammed who is his twin brother. for real) tell me how exotic (in an Arabic way) he is and how I should definitely think he's sexy, when this other guy who is not exotic (in an Arabic way) but is my ethnicity and very good looking comes and sits by me.

He gives me an excuse to tune out the weird guy who thinks he's hot. Naturally, I start talking to him. Our chit-chatting leads to flirting, and flirting leads to, "can I have your number", which leads to me saying, "No. I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend."

Pause.

blink. blink.

I stopped talking at that moment and mouthed the words, "Let's go," to Cook.

As I walked out the door, I envisioned me kicking myself in the ass, because that boy was entirely too cute for his own good. See, usually, even if I did have a boyfriend, I would give him my number just in case. But no. Not this time.

I even caught myself off guard on that one. Man, Danny's effing lucky.

but who's counting?

2005-06-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

On April 24th I posted about running into Transition Man. I mentioned the fact that TM had asked if he could see me again, and I told him to give me a call, that we'd see. I'm sure you all thought that I've been posting so infrequently because I've been off shagging him like a madwoman. Well, you were wrong.

TM never called. . . until yesterday. Does that even count? I mean, does it really take 60 days to get around to calling someone? Obviously not. Am I the only one who thinks that if TM really wanted to see me again, he would have managed to sneak a call in within a week or two at the most, even if he were trying to work the ultra cool angle?

With this length of a wait, he is risking my having destroyed not only the brain cells containing the information regarding our April encounter, but also any and all brain cells that contain a record of his existance in the world. Thank god I'm a blog whiner, or I might forget about all of my shitty break-ups.

Whatever happened to "The Presidents of the United States of America"? They not only were cool, but they were also cute. (Not to mention brilliant lyricists - Peaches come from a can. They were put there by a man, in a factory downtown.) AND Bjork kicks ass.

TM does not kick ass. Although I can't wait to see what his rationale for the two month wait is, and OKC being the size it is, I'm sure that someday this conversation will take place, and you'll be the first to know (after I've called Tina).

The Abyss

2005-06-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

First off, thanks to everyone for the warm welcome. This really is therapeutic and at the time of night that hell seems to break loose in my head, it's nice to have a place to go. And as a forewarning: I have consumed many beers.
Once again, my significant other (S.O.) has called from a distant place with tales of wondrously fun adventures. F him man! When was the last time that he drove from DC to Boston to fly a freakin' flag over the stadium in my honor? Jealous you wonder? Has the green-eyed monster reared it's head over a trip to the big green monster at Fenway? Absolutely! How can anyone keep up with a person that everyone else thinks is so cool: when all that he does is for the benefit of ensuring his coolness? I wish that when I called him tonight...I repeat...I CALLED HIM...and he told me with glee in his voice that he and his cohort were driving through NJ after being in Boston for the day...I wish I had said, "F you!" and hung up. But no. I simply said, "The kids want to talk to you", and handed the phone off.
Okay, as you may wonder, there is a background to all of this. There is a background of nearly nineteen years of these sort of stories. Ask me about when I wish I'd said, "Leave, then, if this isn't enough for you" or when his response to my frustrations as a new mom, being far from home, being alone, etc was that maybe I should get a lip . I wish I would have said, "Ok. It's been good. I'm off to make that new life. Wish me luck!" Or how about the time that my very good friends asked me to spend more time and my S.O. said it probably wouldn't work. I wish I would have said, "I'll figure out a way. See you in a few days." Or how about when at his latest promotion and everyone was saying there's so much more in his future, I would have said, "Yeah, and it involves making a plan of our own, instead of having the family drag a** according to what wonderful things he may get to wear on his shoulders!"
I should be ashamed. All that I have is because of him and mother AF. Reading back over this, I realize that I'm just whining. He was right. I do need to get a life of my own. I need to find the girl that used to be. I just don't know where she went, that other girl. I'm afraid to go looking. Not so much about what I'll find of her, but rather that she may not be able to stay here.

Exercises in Patience

2005-06-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Late last Saturday afternoon I was on my way into town when I decided to stop at the local "convenient" store to buy an ice cold soda to enjoy on my ride. I made the double-take look at the larger grocery store parking lot and decided that going into the smaller, again, "convenient" store would be quicker. No so fast...
I entered the shop to find one woman working the counter and a line that wrapped around the three aisles like this was the "last chance saloon". I walked to the end of the line and waited patiently, without bothering the seemingly nice gentleman in front of me, to reach into the cooler to retrieve my soda. Ahhh, the rush of cold air, the sting of the frosted aluminum can on my palm, the anticipation of the sweet nectar of the gods...Coca Cola.
I was thinking about how satisfying the "fshhtt" of the can sounds and how delicious Coke is to me when finally I moved forward another inch. I kept to this snails pace for what was beginning to feel like an eternity. I began to notice my queue mates.
The man directly in front of me, mid to late forties, gray curly hair tucked underneath a baseball type cap, sporting an Eddie Bauer t-shirt, shorts and running shoes (possibly cross trainers), had a pleasant vibe emanating. The young man in front of him was hardly noticeable. The thirty something guy was trying to make conversation over sunglasses in attempt to pass the time, and the older woman that I presumed was attempting to decipher some ancient language, answer some horrifically long equation or something really tricky because she held her turn at the counter FOREVER! And then there was the guy behind me who upon entering the line, reached into the cooler for his beverage of choice and went ahead and opened it IN LINE. I wanted to open mine in line but I hadn't paid yet. So, then I spent the next few minutes deciding if I'm too uptight about consuming before paying. Is he a freer, more confident person than I because I had to wait for fear of some big guy lunging from the depths of the freezer to reprimand me? Am I actually that much of a wus?
Then....THEN, in came a young, tattooed, goateed, wife beater t-shirt wearing young man with his hot young thang in her tiny t and waaaay above the knee shorts. They seemed like nice folks. They were minding their own business, checking out the literature in the "convenient" store rack when in walked rancher guy. He was wearing his white cowboy hat (it is summer), white t-shirt and jeans, flanked by his cowpoke friend. "Gotta like summer," cowpoke says to the rancher kinda quiet like, "girls wear little a nothin'. Heh! Heh!"
If their eyes could have popped out any further...well I don't know. It was just piggish.
Finally, a possible end to this god forsaken wait. The behind the counter lady yells to the guy at the end of the line, "Hey, could you open the cooler door and ask Greg to come out and help me on the other register?" Remember that everyone. It is the secret code. When Greg got his register running he looked up and gave the "next" wave. I waited patiently knowing that seemingly nice gentlman in front of me was next. Well the drink before you pay guy behind me, the guy who was nearly already refreshed while waiting in line, had the nerve to break the personal line space, reach out and give me the pointer finger poke on my right shoulder as if I was the hold up here!!!! Luckily, the lady gave me the nod and I immediately moved to the counter and in two minutes it was over.
I had proven my patience. I had endured deep introspection about quirks of my personality (drink then buy or buy then drink). I had born witness to total male ickiness and girlie gaucking. I had been pointer finger poked without snapping my head around and giving the "did you just touch me?" look. In the end I enjoyed my Coca Cola, buckled in tight for the long and tedious drive into town, driving 40mph on a 55mph road....but that's for a whole other blog. :)

virgin blogger

2005-06-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

Please read the two words in the title as one statement. Do not attempt to separate!
This feels a bit like therapy. Soooo, where do I begin?
I suppose a "blogger" should have some subject to type about that is somewhat universal or overly interesting to those that may read the blog. Okay, I'm stalling. After a large glass of wine I find myself stupified as to how I should contribute. Let me think....

That's it. I've come up with nothing. I am inept and a hollow void. Thank you. This has been life altering.

Warning: Political Post

2005-06-16T13:26:00.000-07:00

Conservative politicians put Terry Schiavo's family through so much just to further their politics. Now we know that not only was she in a persistant vegetative state but that she was also blind (obviously not responding to visual stimuli) and that her illness did not appear to have been caused by any type of abuse.

These lawmakers are the same people who have convinced many of our American public that if you have moral values, you have to vote Republican. I say that this is just another example of conservatives lying in a power grab no matter who it hurts. You know what I think? Jesus was a liberal: kind, giving, and inclusive. If you are a Christian, you should live by the example of Christ and not by the example of a bunch of full-of-shit politicians.

Shame on those pundits who used this poor woman's life and end of life as nothing more than a news story when her husband and family were involved a truly tragic family drama. No one should have to live through something so awful. I only hope that they are left alone now to come to terms with their loved one's death - God rest her soul.

Weezer rocks!

2005-06-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

They just had a Weezer block of videos on VH1 Mega Hits, and I realized that I no longer have any Weezer CDs - I lost them all in the divorce. (Actually, I'm not really divorced, but after you have shacked up with someone for 5+ years, dividing everything really sucks!) I guess I'm going to have to go visit Amazon and remedy this.

My stint with my last employer is over (except for picking up my final paycheck on Wednesday and showing my co-workers where all of the shit on my computer is). Since I now have a week off of work, I thought that I would throw something up so that I wouldn't feel guilty about going out drinking tonight - again.

Now they are showing a block of Foofighters' videos. Their videos are very clever; however, I do have a problem with the fact that the one guy who is always is drag in the videos is way cuter than me even though he, obviously, isn't really a woman. There is enough competition out there with other women and georgeus drag queens without having to compete with a hairy-legged straight guy! By the way, Dave Groehl is hot.

Angry, angry rant

2005-05-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

At 4:30am tomorrow, my 17 year old niece will be “rousted out” to get on a bus to go to boot camp. She just completed her junior year of HS and will return the day before her senior year begins. What a way to spend the summer. I spent the summer before my senior year running around with my best friend, Darla, and cruising on Air Depot. I don’t even think either of us worked that summer, but for some reason my young niece has decided that this is what she wants to do. I’m terrified.

I’m not sure how many political rants I’ve had on “l’espirit d’escalier” or “Le Truth” and realize that this is probably not the time to bluster, but, suffice it to say, I’m not happy with her doing anything militaristic during the current administration. I talked to her about this for a long time. I also talked to her mother (my brother’s ex) about this, and she PROMISED me that she would not sign the papers that would allow my niece to enter the military before her 18^th birthday. This is where I’ve chosen to focus my anger.

I know that it is irrational. I should be (and am) angry with the current administration that any of our soldiers are in Iraq. I know that I should be angry with my niece for signing up, but I’ve known for a while that this is what she wanted; this is her way of escaping. I’m so angry with my ex-sis because I cried to her, held her hands, and begged her to not sign the papers, and she PROMISED me with tears in her eyes that she wouldn’t sign anything – then she did. I know that this really isn’t about me but still I feel betrayed.

Here is what I think happened (a view from my angry little part of the world): my ex-sis really likes attention. I mean A LOT more than anyone else I know. My best guess is that she decided to go one on one with the recruiter thinking that she could beat him at his own game while also getting a really healthy dose of attention. My niece did tell me last night at our farewell dinner that her mom “never intended to sign anything, she was just going to talk to him a little.”

Well, great fucking job. You had your little talk. She leaves tomorrow, and you’ve already rented out her bedroom. It just isn’t right.

No, we aren't dead!

2005-05-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry that we have been AWOL, but Tina and I have both been working our asses off for the last month. Tina is putting in 50+ hours per week, and today is the first full day off I've had since May 8th.

In case you are wondering, neither Tina nor I enjoy working this much. We are both pretty satisfied to stay close to home (and by "close" I mean on the couch and by "home" I mean cable TV).

Truthfully, if either Tina or I ever become independantly wealthy (which I'm kind of doubting happens since neither of us is particularly driven), anyway, if it ever does happen, we have both pledged an oath to hire the other to be her personal assistant (and by "personal assistant" I mean the one who has to get up off of the couch to pay the pizza delivery guy).

So, why is AuntieT posting tonight after all of this time, you ask? Well kiddies, she's procrastinating. (Duh! Why else would I be doing this.) I was supposed to have written my letter of resignation today.

That's right, AuntieT got a new job! I got a job! I got a job! I got a job! Can you tell that I'm a little excited?

I don't really want to say too much about my new employer, as the job and potential for advancement both sound great, and I've heard some horror stories about people getting fired for blogging about work, so, for now, all I'm going to say is that I am back in the employ of the great state of Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweeping down the plain). I guess that narrows it down a little, huh?

What does this mean to you? This means that starting June 13th, I can tell the truth, the WHOLE truth, and nothing but the truth about my current position, which will become, at that time, my former position and that, my friends, will be fun. Are you with me, Tina?

I asked god for a sign

2005-04-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friend was in town from Telluride. Everytime she is in town, we have a party to celebrate her being in town - don't ask me, I don't know. I've been in town for years and no one throws me a freakin' party.

Anyway, I'm having a little bit of a hard time (I'm sure you are too polite to notice the desperation in my previous posts), so I tell god (whom I haven't spoken to in a good long time) that I really need a sign. By the end of the night, I've run into an old flame who tells me that he is seperated from his wife, my buddy who is playing in the band announces that it is his birthday and he would like a spanking (he offers to let me use his belt - Yikes!), and I run into Transition Man who asks me if he could take me out again.

My friends in attendance start rattling off quotes from "He's Just Not That into You" and tell me that I absolutely cannot go out with him the first time he asks. I can, however, go out with him if he asks a second time. This sounds to me like the super-scary book "The Rules." I attempt to be completely noncommittal telling him to give me a call, and we'll see. Did god give me a sign or am I just reading too much into things?

I also pissed off several people tonight as often my inner censor does not work as fast as my big mouth:

Example #1 - I have a guy friend who is a great guy friend, but kind of a lousy boyfriend with a reputation for liking both the back door and video tape. At the party, he is accused of not having a heart. A debate insues. One of my best, good girlfriends says "R., you have a heart, don't you? You would be sad if I died tomorrow, wouldn't you?" R. doesn't say anything, so I say, "sure he'd be sad if you died. He hasn't f***ed you up the a**, has he?" Everyone dies laughing as this is a perfect joke for this guy. I even feel a little bad as so many people have cracked up at my zinger. I'm obviously an asshole.

Example #2 - Later in the evening, we go to our girlfriend's bar. She is recently engaged and happy as hell with a gorgeous ring. We repeat the story to her of the zinger described above, but her son, who works in her restaurant as a server, walks up as I finish the story. Friend is mortified that I have talked about sex - the gross kind, especially - in front of her barely 21 yoa son. I apologize, not realizing that this has always mortified her and am kind of feeling like an ass again even though everyone at the table who knows R. is totally cracking up about the zinger.

What is a girl to do? I know that I have a potty mouth. I don't swear in front of preachers, small children, or my parents. Can a girl not talk trash at a party or at a bar? AuntieT has crossed the line (but, holy cow, it was funny).

I Stole This from Jameson

2005-04-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Jameson posted this disturbing list of advice for women with his comments added. I've added my own.

1. "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot."
Jameson - Find a guy with a large vocabulary, preferably sober.
AuntieT - Find a guy who calls you.

2. "who calls you back when you hang up on him"
Jameson - Who is so whipped that you have destroyed any other friendships that he might have had to fill his time.
AuntieT - Don’t be a bitch and hang up on him.

3. "who will stay awake just to watch you sleep."
Jameson - Who has a nasty problem with stalking, maybe even necrophilia.
AuntieT - Who will stay awake because he is making sweet love to you all night long.

4. "Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead and your hand"
Jameson - Wait for grandpa, from the sounds of it.
AuntieT - . . . and your mouth, and your neck, and your stomach, and your. . .

5. "who wants to show you off to the world even when you are in your sweatpants"
Jameson - Who wants to show you off to the world when you have 5 kids in a trailer and can't fit into anything but sweatpants, and whos wardrobe consists of nothing but ripped jeans and wifebeaters.
AuntieT - Who wants to show you off to the world but would just as soon stay home and get you out of your sweatpants.

6. "who holds your hand in front of his friends"
Jameson - And by friends, what you really mean is "who holds your hand" because a) girls love mushy shit, and b) who doesn't have any friends, because your insistance of being with him 24-7 has destroyed all of his friends' respect for him as a man, leading to no friends.
AuntieT – who plays footsie with you under the table when you are out drinking

7. "who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on."
Jameson - Because he's drunk.
AuntieT - but doesn’t complain when you take 15 minutes to put your makeup on before you go out.

8. "Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you"
Jameson - Wait for the one who constantly calls you and writes you love letters......IN BLOOD.
AuntieT - Wait for the one who doesn’t have to be constantly reminded to pay his bills and clean up after himself.

9."and how lucky he is to have you"
Jameson - In his basement.
AuntieT - and he is lucky because he is from Ireland and he has an accent and he is tall with red hair and drinks Guinness

(oops! lapsed into dream sequence)

10. "Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her."
Jameson - Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...That's her, that's the bitch who ruined my social life and makes me watch Sex and the City with her friends. I have no balls."
AuntieT - Wait for the one who turns to you because you are his friend or because he just woke up and wants to tell you good morning (in his special way).

Send Crossworld Puzzles

2005-04-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

Fend Off Dementia with Sex, Crosswords and a Run

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Sex, cryptic crosswords and a good run could help ward off dementia and other degenerative conditions by stimulating new brain cells, an Australian researcher said Thursday.

Perry Bartlett, a professor at the University of Queensland's Brain Institute, said mental and physical exercise helped create and nurture new nerve cells in the brain, keeping it functional and warding off diseases such as Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.

"Perhaps one should run a long distance and do the cryptic crossword, " Bartlett told Australian radio.

He said a chemical called prolactin appeared to promote new cells in the brain and could be found in high levels in pregnant women.

"Prolactin levels also go up during sex as well. So one could think of a number of more entertaining activities than running in order to regulate the production of nerve cells," Bartlett said.

Why can't watching cable and eating dark chocolate or asian food fend off dementia? I read my ass off - does that count for anything?

There is no way I'm going running, and I think everyone within hearing range knows that I'm ridiculously single right now, so send crosswords! Maybe a subscription to the NY Times. (or maybe just Highlights.)

Another option is to just embrace my demetia: all of my bad memories would just fade out, I could be a shit to all of the people who truly deserve it, and maybe I would forget to eat and lose some weight. Then I could meet some cute elderly man with dementia, start having sex again, and my dementia would go away! I would have a cute little old boyfriend and be thin! Whoo-hoo!

2005-03-26T15:23:00.000-08:00

Mine and Tona's favorite place to eat sushi

2005-03-26T15:22:00.000-08:00

You are invited to join us! (Just because T looks a little like she is trying to lure small children into her (Asian) gingerbread house to eat them up, don't be scared. We were just excited for sushi.)

2005-03-26T15:20:00.000-08:00

We order Ala Carte.

2005-03-26T15:17:00.000-08:00

Dynamite Dynamite is in the middle with the spicy sauce on it. It has salmon and avacodo on the outside and crab, scallops, and something else I am forgetting on the inside. We HAVE to order it every time, even though it is a bitch to eat; the rolls are huge. We almost always order the nigiri salmon (for Tona). Everything else is subject to change. We over order every time and make deals with each other regarding who has to finish eating what. It is against the law to leave uneaten sushi on your plate.

2005-03-26T15:06:00.000-08:00

Mmmm, sake. The smaller, white one is the one the waiter gave us (cheap bastard).

2005-03-17T03:02:00.000-08:00

This is for Tona & Jameson. Happy St. Patty's Day!

What the Hell Happened?

2005-03-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

I guess that we hit our high point at "le Truth" when Tina put up the "pecker pod" post immediately followed by the post about the woman charged with killing her hubby by giving him a sherry enema - we followed with some super-gross comments including mentioning the fellow whom we know who let a nurse at a party cathederize him for funnies.

Anyhoo, we totally grossed Brit out which gave Tina guilt (as she is the mom), and I just thought it was all kind of funny. Long story a tiny bit shorter: Tina pulled the posts, we started our own blog so that we could have carte blanche to offend, and Brit totally booted us off of "le Truth."

At first I was really excited, and I still love the look of our blog, but since then, my blog world just has not been the same. Neither Tina, Brit, nor I have posted regularly. Apparently, grossing out Brit was a large part of Tina's inspiration as she has posted nothing but pics of her kids since. I fed off of her twisted sense of humor and haven't done anything interesting either. Now Jameson is on Spring Break, and it just feels like our little blog family is falling apart.

Even our linked blogs appear to be suffering, Greg Angelo has barely posted, and I fear he is just depressed over the "le truth" girls breaking up. Chase still posts A LOT, but he may be running from his feelings and posting instead of dealing with his sadness and/or anger over the blog-break. And poor Rory - I think we all know that Rory is just drinking through the pain. He has even run away to NYC to try to escape the sadness over "le Truth" no longer. . .

Brit, it was so much more fun when we all blogged together! I know your mom and I are offensive - why do you think we're such good friends? You've known how we joke for most of your life - did this really catch you off guard? Invite us back to "le Truth" or we'll uninvite you from "Paris Stairs." Your mom says that this won't work since you've never posted here, but I'm trying to talk her into taking away your car! (She says this may not work either since you think that your car is a piece of shit.) Maybe you should just take us back because you love us so much!

Let's Celebrate

2005-03-08T07:06:00.000-08:00

March 8th is International Women's Day. Around the world women are fighting for such things as protection against having acid thrown in their faces by men whose advances they've spurned and being able to avoid having their important parts cut off, and other crazy things like having enough money to support themselves and their families.

which way did they go?

2005-02-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

I guess Brit is going to have to put up some clever posts at "le truth" to keep everyone happy until Tina and I have the energy and time to do something clever at "l'esprit d'escalier."

Tina has the dreaded flu that is currently rampant in OKC, so don't expect to hear from her for several days. Lance (who is just getting over the same flu) has a giant wrestling something or other going on this weekend. Your mama will be there in spirit even if she can't be there in body. Kick some ass, boy!

I have a huge work deadline Monday, so after I go see some music tonight, the rest of my three-day weekend will be spent at the office getting everything done. So much for the holiday!

my latest guilty pleasures

2005-02-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

Project Runway
There will be a marathon starting Sunday at 11am if you want to catch up for the two-hour finale.
from the website at Bravo (edited)
The first ever reality series focusing on fashion designers will give aspiring designers a chance to break into the notoriously difficult-to-crack fashion world. Contestants will be eliminated on a weekly basis based on their execution of the design challenges until only three remain to face-off with full lines on the catwalk at New York's Fall Fashion Week in February 2005. The winner's designs will be photographed for Elle, the winning designer will also receive $100,000 in seed money too help them launch their own line, and a mentorship from the Banana Republic Design Team.

Peachy Canyon Zinfandel
NOT White Zinfandel! I can't think of a good reason to drink White Zin, but Zinfandel, good, red, yummy Zinfandel, can't be beat! Actually, it doesn't even have to be Peachy Canyon. I'll try any Zinfandel I can get my hands on. Cline is good. Rancho Zabaco is good, too. As you can see, I'm not that picky when it comes to Zin (as long as the shit ain't white).

Froogle Shopping List
This way I can track all of the junk that I want, and it is easily accessible from any computer I can get my hands on. I asked Tina to check out several of the things I'd listed, but she must be distracted by her children and family (GOSH!) as she hasn't told me what she thinks yet.

Dark Chocolate
The darker the better, and the doctors have finally caught up to me!

Now if I could just lie on my Froogle bed in my Froogle dress and shoes, eating ridiculously dark choclate with large glasses of Zin while I watch the finale of Project Runway, I would be a happy girl.

ps - If Zin isn't available, Guiness Stout will work just fine, thank you very much.

I heart the History channel!

2005-02-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

Currently showing "The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre" documentary. The perfect show to keep your mind off of romance.

for that Special Someone

2005-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Love Coupons from "The Onion"

the one where the single girl bitches about a fake holiday

2005-02-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

"Saudi Morality Police See Red Over Valentine Roses"
from Reuters Oddly Enough - It is about time someone was punished over this stupid f***ing "holiday!"

If you don't want to read yet another rant by yet another single woman regarding the "holiday that shall not be named" then please peruse some of our lovely links and cross your fingers that Tina posts and knocks me out of the primary position.

You can't you blame me, can you? V-Day is not just hated by single people, a lot of folks in relationships hate it, too. It is even possible that married men may hate this holiday more than single women as they are the ones having to deal with the pressure of coming up with the perfect gift/dinner/movie/roll in the hay/jewelry. Are you feeling me? I mean, even when I was in a relationship, the V-Day pressure sucked. You want to do enough but not too much; you don't want to come up short but, at the same time, you can't overdo and make your V-Day partner look like a schmuck.

Obviously, I have no V-Day partner this year, so my personal plan in dealing with the day is to:

#1 - Make preparations early: any food, movies, tampons, shoes, or other necessities must be purchased in advance in order to avoid the pitying glances of 16 yoa acne-faced drive-through window workers. (Note: one should NEVER order pizza or any other food that might be delivered in a marked car as all of one's neighbors, as well as the pizza delivery boy, will pity you.) Dinner with your parents or friends in any type of a relationship should be avoided. The best way to deal with the day is to either go it alone or hook up with several other single friends for a casual dinner at home.

#2 - Restaurants should be avoided as most of the customers will be either deliriously happy or pretending to be deliriously happy. This could cause the gag reflex to kick in while eating which could lead to choking and dying on V-Day. Then anytime anyone sees your tombstone he/she will always observe "Oh, shit, she died on V-Day. How sad."

#3 - Avoidance is probably the best way to deal with co-workers. Spending the day at your desk appearing to be ridiculously busy and hard at work should keep the average chatters at bay. You MUST go out to lunch to avoid co-worker downtime talking. (Also this would be a good time to run errands and make preparations - see #1.) If you have headsets, they should be used as much as possible.

#4 - Music recommendations - Ani DiFranco, Liz Phair, Alanis Morissette, Patsy Cline, Billie Holiday, Dolly Parton - a nice collection of anger and regret. Dave Matthews Band should be avoided, expecially if "Two Step" is you and your exes' song. (It still chokes me up everytime I hear it.)

#5 - Distract yourself - Doing things that are boring but that require focus are the best. I plan to finish my taxes and pay my bills. Be very careful watching cable as there will be a lot of "When Harry Met Sally" and "Sleepless in Seattle" type movies showing tonight.

#6 - Don't get drunk - a good bottle of wine is a nice distraction, but may cause you to forget that this is just one day out of the year and lead to one of those crying drunk things. Tomorrow you will be fine. You and your friends can all hang out and forget about this damn day until next year.

Is he legal now?

2005-02-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, dear Jameson!
Happy birthday to you!

Hoping our #1 fan has the best birthday ever!
(Okay, maybe he is our only fan, but he is a fan.)

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

2005-02-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:57 AM ET LONDON (Reuters)

A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage in May last year after Geoffrey Jones, 37, who had ended their long-term relationship, rejected her advances.

She grabbed him by the genitals, tearing off his left testicle, then hid it in her mouth before a friend of Jones handed it back to him saying "that's yours."

Monti, of Birkenhead, near Liverpool, pleaded guilty to unlawful wounding at an earlier hearing.

Okay, now I understand why Brit got irritated with us. I know that this is disgusting, but I just can't not post it. It is so freaking unbelieveable!

The Naked Blog

2005-02-10T15:52:00.000-08:00

“L’esprit d’escalier” doesn’t really have a phrase with the same meaning in English, but the literal translation is “the wit of the stairs.” It is when you have just walked away from an argument or discussion where you’ve been kind of shocked or stumped, then you think of the perfect thing that you didn’t say, but it is too late; your wit didn't catch up to you until you were already on the stairs.

Tina is actually pretty quick on her feet. I am the one who never thinks of things until it is entirely too late. Also, I was raised by a mother who responds to half of the stuff that I say by responding "well, you should have told them. . ." and spouts off some crazy thing that she would never really say. Even though this really irritates me, I have taken to doing it myself. I try to stop myself, but it is fun to show off how smart you are when not surrounded by idiots and enemies.

Tina and I solidified our friendship by suffering through French I together, so choosing a French phrase for the name of our blog is kind of perfect. We literally spent every M-F together for two months to get through a five credit hour class in summer school. It was one of the stupidest academic choices I've ever made, but I would do it over again in a minute since that is how T and I bonded.

The worst thing about this new blog is that it feels so naked. Le Truth is pink and full of stuff and feels really friendly. This kind of seems like moving to a new house where Tina has painted the walls nicely, but where we left all of our cool shit at our old place and have to start over.